Speaking-Japanese.com - Exploring Japanese Literature

2 » James Seddon	UK	Date: 17.09.2007 Time: 01:00:55
Re: PAGE 261"... I'd get myself drunk by swigging from a square bottle of whiskey before making bold to slide open the veranda shutters ..." I think "making bold" is perfect here; it captures both the sense of impudence and willfulness implied by "katte ni" (a term that is notoriously difficult to render in English), while also gesturing at the causal relationship between the whiskey and the narrator's 'boldness'. PAGE 279 "... no sooner had I got back to my room than I would light the kerosene lamp, and without loosening the clothes on my tired body, sprawl wantonly on the rug, gazing wistfully ..." I wonder if it might be more accurate, if a little unwieldly, to translate "iya-rashiku nekuzureta mama" like this: "... without loosening the clothes on my tired body, I would collapse on the rug in an indecent sprawl" or " I would collapse on the rug, lying indecently/wantonly where I fell" I am trying to convey the nuance contained in the Japanese 'mama'. What do you think? Re: PAGE 291 "streamlined" Giles, I think you told me that "streamlined" was coined at around the time this story was written - its novelty, then, makes it a fitting choice of words for our pretentious narrator, whose taste for antique clothing is complemented by a penchant for peppering his speech with the latest katakana and English terms, presumably to show how "a la mode" he is. I know it can be used to describe animals (cheetahs, whales etc.), but for some reason I naturally associate the word "streamlined" with inanimate objects - torpedoes, ships, planes etc. In this sense, perhaps the word is even more appropriate as it suggests the objectification and dehumanising quality of the narrator's "male gaze". But the description of the woman elsewhere makes her appear so vital and warm-blooded that "streamlined" seems somehow too cold and utilitarian a term. What do you think Personally, I would have gone for something like "sublimely slender and sleek"; I think the sibilance, as well as the feline associations in English, add to the vaguely menacing undertones present in this first encounter with the mystery woman. PAGE 299 "I sensed the jealous emotion I had for her beauty gradually changing into feelings of love within me" Surely this is not love? Our first person narrator is a arch poseur, so you could argue that is deluding himself, momentarily amused by the idea of being "in love". But the Japanese is 'renbo' which means something like longing or yearning, perhaps closer to lust than love. And in the very next sentence the narrator is describing how he wants to "subjugate [the woman] and exult in [his] victory once again". Hardly indicative of a man in love. Personally, I don't believe this guy thinks for a minute that he is love. Cynical and materialistic, he knows a new desire has awoken within him, little different from his coveting a new kimono or silk crepe, and he is eager to fulfill it.

1 » Giles Murray	Tokyo	Date: 22.06.2007 Time: 06:02:10
PAGE 233: "…fiendishly labyrinthine part of town…" Why do I use this particular adverb and adjective? PAGE 249: Why is "mode of life" in the Japanese, rendered as "facon de vivre" in the English? PAGE 261: "I’d get myself drunk by swigging from a square bottle of whiskey before making bold to slide open the veranda shutters, clamber over the cemetery hedge and set out for a stroll." What Japanese expression is reflected in "making bold" in the English? Do you think it’s successful? How would you have translated the Japanese yourself? PAGE 281: "With time … I also became bolder, and would sally forth with a dagger or an opiate slipped into my sash in order to evoke bizarre associations." Any guesses why I chose to use the expression "sally forth" here? PAGE 289: "Gravelly like a shamisen singer’s, the voice hardly matched the woman’s charming appearance." Why do you think Tanizaki gave the woman a "gravelly" voice? PAGE 291: "She had been somewhat plump in those days, but was now sublimely slender and streamlined…" Why did I have misgivings about using the adjective "streamlined"? Why did I use it anyway? PAGE 293: "Her nose seemed a more prominent than before—a little sharp, even." Why should the narrator describe the woman’s nose as "prominent" and "sharp"? PAGE 309: "The evening of the morrow there was a tremendous downpour." The Japanese is 「素晴らしい大雨」. What do you think of the use of "subarashii"? PAGE 325: "How was the flashy, aggressive and razor-sharp woman of the previous night able to reveal this vulnerable and demure side of herself to me?" To which Japanese word does the English "vulnerable" equate? Is this a justifiable translation? PAGE 327: Why is "Love adventure" in the Japanese rendered as "affaire du coeur" in the English? PAGE 327: "At first I didn’t have the least interest in ferreting out the woman’s background or address…" Why do you think I translated "捜り出す" as "ferret out"? PAGE 349: "Her face was like a corpse." Why do I break this passage off into a separate sentence and put it at the end of the paragraph like this?